Draft Thesis Statements

Crafting Working Thesis Statements for A Draft

In this post, I will create multiple thesis statements that could operate within my draft effectively. In doing so, I will explore different approaches to setting up my rhetorical analysis essay, and identify what makes for a strong thesis statement.

geralt, "Intelligent artificial intelligence" 2014 via pixabay.com.
CC0 Public Domain License.

Thesis One:

Dr. Cecilia Tilli, in her article "Striking the Balance on Artificial Intelligence," actively challenges and rectifies misunderstandings over leading scientists' attitudes towards artificial intelligence research following a high-profile conference in Puerto Rico in January this year. Tilli maintains a collected, gentle tone throughout her text to capitalize on the trust she establishes with the reader by explaining her connection to the controversy as an expert and safety specialist in order to relate to the cultural fears over such technology, with respect to the future of our society, and put them to rest.


This thesis contains most of the information that I want it to, but I feel that it is too verbose and cluttered which surrenders most of the direction it provides. While it does address Tilli's appeals to credibility and her tone, it only tangentially relates to her reference to culture which I feel would need to be represented more, as it will be a focus in the essay.


Thesis Two:

Dr. Cecilia Tilli in her article "Striking the Balance on Artificial Intelligence" directly addresses the long-standing fears over artificial intelligence research held by our culture and rectifies them by appealing to the reader through her expertise in AI research and safety guidelines, and through referencing our cultural history with a focus on events such its past economic hardship and concern over global power. Tilli also employs a collected, reassuring tone to help connect to her readers and relate through a shared emphasis on caution, while ultimately arguing that AI research should continue with steady progress to achieve its greatest potential for humanity.


I feel that this thesis is effective at giving the text direction, but may be too wordy, which compromises its strengths. I did not include her reference to the January AI research conference, but feel that I succeeded here in included important direction to Tilli's focus on our culture.



Thesis Three:

Dr. Cecilia Tilli, in her 2015 article "Striking the Balance on Artificial Intelligence," directly addresses our culture's deep-held fears and misconceptions over artificial intelligence research and emphasizes confidence in cautious, steady progress in AI development. Throughout her article, Tilli references her own expertise in AI research and safety while also recalling our culture's history in order to effectively display her understanding of the controversy, which she expounds upon by employing a collected, reassuring tone to connect herself to the reader and successfully convince them of her beliefs that AI has a potential to benefit humanity in a way no technology has before.


This thesis began as a revision of the second, but I feel it has become appreciably different and more effective. In this thesis, I feel as though I convey all the main points of my analysis (our culture, her appeal to credibility, her tone, her beliefs) while omitting non-essential information such as that on the context of her conference that she begins the article with.

I believe I will use this thesis in my essay draft.


Reflection

For my reflection, I read through the thesis statement drafts of Savannah and Dylan.

Dylan provided two thesis statements, both of which were very different in their approaches. One used several, short sentences to display a flow of logic that emphasized why Tarantino's appeal to character was effective, while the other was just a direct, concise, thesis that declared Tarantino's stance explicitly but didn't convey much else. I recommended he combine the two and refine it. This actually helped me because it reminded me of how I crafted a thesis I was comfortable with: I wrote two, and revised from one while including elements of the other that I felt belonged.

The best quality of Savannah's two thesis statements was that they were concise and provided no chances for confusion or misdirection in the reader. However, I feel as though they could've been more specific and given even more, clearer direction to the reader before the body of the text. I feel that this realization helped me feel more comfortable in my length thesis statements, because they did provide specific strategies and ideas that I will explore in my essay.